Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
