I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
