.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
