im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
