help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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