I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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