Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
