Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
