New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize