did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
