I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
