Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
