They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
