So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize