I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
