Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
