I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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