I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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