I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
