1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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