I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're like the curious george of whores
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
