i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
