A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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