Umm I'm too high to move.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
