oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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