There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
