Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
