If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
