Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
