i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
