I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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