He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
