Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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