i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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