Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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