do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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