you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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