I think I won the penis lottery.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
