New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
ok first of all what the fuck
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
