Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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