Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
