Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
