this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
