this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
