i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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