Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dick has a subreddit
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
