Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
