"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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