She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
