if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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