True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesnโt shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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