sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
