I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
