You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
