Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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