I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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