there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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