My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize