i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
