You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
