WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just want nice things and good sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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