I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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