i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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