Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
