Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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