We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
